avoiretre

Tomorrow is my last full day in San Antoinio. I'm going to miss this shit out of this place. It feels good to say no matter how much aweful bullshit went down senior year of highschool, it was still fucking great.

http://www.campaignforliberty.com/campaigns/obama-healthcare.php?projid=66

When I was driving around looking for jobs, I picked up this bike someone was throwing away. I picked it up, of course, and now I'm going to use parts of it to build another better bike. It's got a lot of potential, though it is missing some essential parts, like the wheels. That's not really a huge problem. The essential part is I got a pretty good smallish frame, perfect for a medium sized fixie. I'm going to paint the frame. I'm not sure what color at this point though. Anyway. It's time to start buying more old bikes so that I can complete this thing. Maybe I could even put a motor on it if I feel that intense. I'll probably have to get Andy to help me with that part.

Veronica came over last night and I explained everything while she dug through all of my drawers and examined all my old clothing and rubish.


Time to go finnish separating ever single part of th bike from every other part.

I haven't been able to get on here at all for a while now, but now I can thanks to having nothing to do today in my computer class.

Anyway.
Probably the most important thing that I have to talk about at this point is that I've started on my second batch of wine. Actually, since I used apple juice as well as champagne and beer yeast, it can't really be considered wine, more hard cider or something. But anyway. I've got three gallons of the stuff fermenting, and I really like the way it makes my room smell. I think that it actually might take a shorter time to ferment than my last batch, just because of how far it's progressed and the fact that it's already slowed down a bit (and also the fact that I kind of accidentally out enough yeast in to ferment 12 gallons). On the other hand, it might take just as long as the last batch because I'm planning on adding more sugar (or maybe honey- I already used about a cup of honey along with about 8-10 cups of sugar) to make it stronger when I get home today (depending on how much the fermentation has slowed down). I was actually scared that I had put too much sugar into the mix at first, but it turned out it just needed some oxygen to get started (I had it sealed off) and now I think that I might have put a little less than the perfect amount for what I'm doing. Anyway. It doesn't matter because it's fermented a good bit and I think that I want to keep adding sugar until the alcohol content is too strong for the yeast to ferment. Maybe. Depends if I get too impatient and just stop the fermentation by putting it in the fridge so that I can start drinking/bottling it. It should yield about 9 bottles, which is awesome. Perfect christmas gift, really, though I kind of just want to keep it all to myself so that I can have enough of the stuff always on supply. I can always just start making more as soon as this is done though. Wine making=pure sweetness. It's really cool how much more I've learned about alcohol making since making a second batch of the stuff. Hopefully I'll keep learning a good amount everytime that I make it.   


I've also decided I need to be really good at identifying mushrooms. I've started doing some research, and it's really cool. I could really get into this too. I need to get a book about it. In France and most of Europe and other countries(just not really here, from what I gather), it's pretty normal to head out into the country and look for mushrooms to cook and eat.


I've been going to the library every day this week, but I don't think that I'll go today since I started reading The Fountainhead (so that I can more educatedly criticize Ayn Rand; I actually like the book so far but still think she's kind of an asshole/have some pretty serious criticisms of her beliefs) and am going to bring it home tonight. I've also been reading Either/Or by, of course, Kierkegaard, and it's amazing. And then yesterday I was looking through this book by this guy named Andrew Weil. He's really cool, and I really agree with his view on drugs and his belief in the combination of some modern medicine with more traditional/alternative medicine as being the way to go. I start so many books and then just drop them halfway through. Oh well. It's a bad habit, but at least I do end up finnishing some books. I definitely plan to finnish Either/Or, because it's so great.



http://americanmushrooms.com/basics.htm
www.mushroomexpert.com


This whole post is a great example of how much more productive I could be if I wasn't in highschool. I can't wait until College. I was thinking today how ironic it is that highschool is all about teaching people to obey and to fit neatly into society and the expectations that others have for them, while the very act of gaining knowledge leads to the development of people into indivuals. The idea of getting an education goes against what most teachers and principals are trying to accomplish. It's no wonder that highschools love dry abstract facts rather than ideas that force people to change their lives.

"Here on the edge of something coming straight on and faster than"
[I'm ready for]
"while that old-firmground turns"
[on me trying to keep up with me its filing cabinet logic neatly lays to death]
"biting at my heal joints (leg ligaments)"
EITHEROR(and about to fall off).

I slept for two hours today, on accident.
And then, woke up, walked my sister to the bus stop, and came back.

I looked everywhere and found my bike lock(the last place I would have and did look was on the bike) and then rode downtown for Joseph's show. Went pretty well. Had to leave right after he finnished playing.


Then I came back, and here I am.
In a little while, I'll head off into my bedroom and lie down in my bed and maybe fall asleep. I'll probably wake up in the morning, do homework, go to church, come home, do homework, do homework. Go to the library, do homework, come home, do homework.


This week I'll probably learn something in school. This week I'll probably eat food, be sore, curse and not think about anything but how long away the weekend seems.



You come back
You come back
Don't you leave
You come back.
Sometimes there's just no one to say this to.
And sometimes there are just too many people to say it to.

Spiritual superiority only sees the individual. But alas, ordinarily we human beings are sensual and, therefore, as soon as it is a gathering, the impression changes- we see something abstract, the crowd, and we become different. But in the eyes of God, the infinite spirit, all the millions that have lived and now live do not make a crowd, He only sees each individual.





In addition to my other numerous acquaintances, I have one more intimate confidant. . . . My depression is the most faithful mistress I have known- no wonder, then, that I return the love.





Because of its tremendous solemnity death is the light in which great passions, both good and bad, become transparent, no longer limited by outward appearences.





It is quite true what Philosophy says: that Life must be understood backwards. But that makes one forget the other saying: that it must be lived- forwards. The more one ponders this, the more it comes to mean that life in the temporal existence never becomes quite intelligible, precisely because at no moment can I find complete quiet to take the backward-looking position.

I'm reading A Hundred Years of Solitude. I have to read it for school but I like it a lot so far. Because there's 3 weeks or less before school starts for me, and I have to read 2 other (though shorter) books this summer for my english class (Henry the fifth, A street car named desire), I have to read fast. I started reading it three days ago, and I'm almost 200 pages through. Half way. About. Anyway, that's good for me. I'm a slow reader, and I've been spending most of my time at it. My parents made me come back from fredericksburg a week early, to focus on college related things, this reading obviously, and helping my dad with landscaping things. I really miss people a lot already. Even people here, since my parents aren't really letting me leave the house. But tomorrow is first friday, and I'm definitely going if I can get a lot done before it. Markus Rubio is playing a free show at ruta maya. Going.

Today while I was reading and sucking on a pen out of habit, the pen leaked ink into my mouth and ended up all over my hands and book. My tongue and teeth turned black.

I pray that you'll always think of me as more than a friend with coffee stains on and around my arms in circles around my wrists you held me half alive half honestly you spoke in absolutes and minutes. I sat and swung for hours in the park but still couldn't say a thing.







When we see the world for what it really is, we will never find our homes again.
When I wake up, I'll go to work. Hopefully I'll have some time before that to go to the thrift shop and buy a small spoon to put a hole in and then put onto my belt. Also, getting some food before that would be good.

g'night.

writing back and forth with Adam Gnade about depression and mewithoutYou.
Eating with people but it's hard.
Last night was really good. We're getting lots of shows in San Antonio now, which is weird but really good. I just want things to go somewhere. I just don't want to be doing things that aren't worthwhile.
Saw people that I wanted to see last night.
Worked today.
It rained.

















"Which is why I can't hold your hand anymore. Because I'd be lying."

 

Waking up can be really miserable for me sometimes.
I found out that my sister's cd player also functions as a tape player, so I've finally started listening to tapes again. 
This morning I listened to half of a talk on anarchy that Reid recorded live and sent to me. There's still the other half and a tape on intentional community to listen to. I have to a Tom Waits tape to listen to soon, and of course the talking heads. And Sydni's mix tape.

Our garden has plants in it now. 
I'm growing beans.


Ethan Durelle is this thursday, already. 
I'm pretty excited.

 

I was in this short film for a few seconds, one that my friend made for the "math awareness month" at school. 
Fiesta starts this week. I have no idea what that is, but it's going to be INSANE. 
I drank a big cup of coffee this morning and I've been shaking and sped up since. 
My grandma is here tonight. I need some time by myself to read and draw this weekend but I don't think that I'm going to get it.
School is almost over. School is almost over. School is almost over.